Open Letter to the White House - Talking Tough

Dear Mr. President:

I'm getting a little worried about you, sir. Over the last few days you've attacked your opposition and two foreign governments with more viciousness than in just about any rhetoric we've ever heard from you, even during the 2004 campaign. And on Veteran's Day to boot. Are you feeling all right?

I know it's been a rough time for you lately, what with your officials being questioned and indicted, your Congressional allies getting into legal and moral trouble, your top advisers silenced, your war going badly, your Supreme Court nominees buried under heaps of Senatorial procedure, your own party turning on you and your approval rating lower than ever. The world you're living in now must not look very friendly, and I suppose it's only natural to lash out.

Let me advise you, though, to restrain yourself if you can. This sort of anger isn't good for you or your poll numbers; it can lead to high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, and worst of all, maybe even losing control of Congress in next year's midterm elections if you're not careful.


What's more, there's no point in letting yourself go when your brain trust is otherwise occupied; Karl Rove has clammed up in the face of being called to testify to the grand jury in the Plame matter, Vice President Cheney is apparently on the point of a stroke, and Condi Rice traipses around the other side of the globe. Under the circumstances, this is no time for you to break all precedent and say what's really on your mind, without spin control; you have a tough enough time when you let others tell you what to say.

You're going to get yourself in a lot of trouble if you keep this up, Mr. President. Remember what happens when you try to handle your own business affairs. We don't want your presidency to turn into just another item in your long list of past failures, now do we?


All things considered, this would be a good time for you to head back to your Texas ranch, hop on the old bicycle and do some serious relaxing. It's what you do best anyway, seemingly. Don't worry about your privacy; Cindy Sheehan won't be coming round this time, I suspect. She's too busy talking to people who actually have some respect for war casualties' families, she won't bother you anymore. And don't worry about us, we're getting used to you taking more than one day in four off work. Besides, everyone knows the country does much better when you don't mess around with it anyway.